I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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