then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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