so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
