She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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