we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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