He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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