Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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