Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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