im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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