this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
