he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
