Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We don't watch enough power rangers
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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