I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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