i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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