Kiss
Puke
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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