I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
