YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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