Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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