I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
