you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
