u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
