I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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