I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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