I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
