don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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