Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
