she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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