Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
