Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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