Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
