whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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