woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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