i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
