you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
two words...techno handjob
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
