I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
