yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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