i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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