I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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