So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Randomize
