she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?