drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.