i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends