dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.