he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain