I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
