either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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