Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
