Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
