Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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