Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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