He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
