Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
