It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
