the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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