Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
