So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...