I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done