Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
