Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this boner is exhausting
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
