Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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