You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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