There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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