you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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