Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
