just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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