Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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