My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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