dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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