I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
